Oh Those Dancing Feet

Have you ever tried placing a bar of soap under the sheets at the foot of your bed to prevent Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS)? If you're scoffing at the notion, I can tell you've never been driven to madness by the torture of RLS.

You've never heard of it? It's like this. You try to sit still and your legs squirm and twist like night crawlers in a coffee can. The inside of your skin from feet to knees feels infested with burrowing, biting insects. The soles of your feet itch and burn as though you've danced for hours in a vat of Poison Ivy. You think I'm exaggerating? If only!

Saturday night as I lay my weary head upon my pillow, my legs kicked into gear. For hours they itched. They twitched. They attempted to jump off the bed and run up the walls. It was terrible. Sunday, I woke up crabby and fearful, the tingles were still there. As the minutes ticked by, the threat of another wretched night loomed closer. My legs crept and crawled in anticipation.

Desperate, I ran to my computer to look up folklore remedies for RLS. Turmeric, Black strap Molasses, Baking Soda in water, and....soap in bed. I opted to try everything I had on hand. I tucked a fresh bar of soap under the sheet at the foot of my bed then headed to the kitchen. I began with an oozing tablespoon of bright yellow mustard for a healthy dose of turmeric. Ooh-ooh, talk about a sock in the kisser! After I'd finished reeling from shock I noticed the creepy crawlies had stopped. Hot dog!

I read for awhile, and then my legs started to dance. I moved on to the next remedy, baking soda and water. My stomach heaved a few times then stopped. That's it. With legs still atingle I downed another tablespoon of mustard. It worked again. Yes! I was ready to hit the soapy sack. With a feeling of trepidation I tucked myself in. My feet started to wander, found the bar of soap and stopped. Started up again. Stopped.

I had a wonderful night's sleep but had to awaken before dawn to get to an acupuncture appointment on time. I quickly downed Cheerios with bananas followed by a mustard chaser. I was good to go. The acupuncturist (after covertly sneering at my remedies) treated me for RLS then sold me some expensive no-name Chinese herbs supposed to really help (not like those other lame things, harrumph!)

I am now full of mysterious Chinese herbs, and I am prepared to once-again brave the mustard. Right now my right heel is rubbing my left foot. It must be time to hit the sauce. I do hope my legs and I sleep as harmoniously with the soap as we did last night, I don't have to get up tomorrow until I want to.